YOU MATTER TOO

Sometimes life throws you a curveball or two and literally knocks you off your feet. Life doesn't always go smoothly, regardless of how much effort you make to keep it that way. I know that because I was thrown off my feet on a city bus last year and ended up in the hospital getting emergency hip replacement surgery. This past year has been difficult for me as I have always been able to walk for miles and climb stairs with little effort. No more.

If that wasn't enough, I was hit with another misfortune two months ago. My mentally challenged sister, who had been married for 17 years, had to quickly find another place to live when her husband took a girlfriend and wanted her out. Me, being her childless older sibling and the one not currently working, got saddled with finding her a new home.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't have been so daunting but dealing with a mentally handicapped adult is something else entirely. Someone has to set up automatic banking for their bill payments, teach them how to use the important features of their cell phone, apply for liability insurance for their home, and teach them to navigate their computerized laundry facilities. It's like showing a young adult who first leaves the nest how to be completely responsible for their life, and I had no experience with this so for me, this was a test for my patience.

After two months of harassing texts and phone calls, crying and tantrums, I was completely burnt out. As strong as I thought I was, this experience brought me down on my knees. I had no choice but to reach out to her psychiatrist and ask him to take matters from there.

Although my body and psyche were a little beat up, thankfully I had some life coaching training under my belt to get me back on track. I know how important it is to keep yourself mentally and physically fit. If you can't get yourself back to a healthy state, you can't help others do the same. Anytime you start feeling burnt out, that is your cue to stop and recharge. Don't let it go too long! Just take a step back and follow my lead.

1. Set Boundaries. It's really important to set boundaries for others who drain you. Whether it's your husband, children, or even your boss at work. You have to let people know you have a threshold and won't go past it.

   
   

2. Detach. One thing that is really helpful when dealing with a difficult person or situation is to step back and detach from it as much as possible. I find you can easily get just as wound up as the person you are dealing with, so it's important to step away and breathe when it's becoming too much for you.

   
   

3. Workout. When life stresses you out a good workout helps you forget all about it. You are so focused on the activity, your mind blanks it out completely. Even if you never exercise, a brisk walk can put your mind at ease. Get out in nature and listen to the sounds. Breathe in the fresh air and exhale all your worries. It doesn't have to cost anything. Sometimes the best things in life are free.

   
   

4. Don't Beat Yourself Up. We can be so hard on ourselves at times, especially when dealing with a difficult situation. Don't let it get to you. Do the best you can and if it's not working, move on. Give yourself credit for trying. And for caring enough to try.

   
   

5. Know When To Walk Away. Just like that old Kenny Rogers song, you've got to know when to walk away, and know when to run! Some people just can't be helped, no matter how hard you try. You can't help someone who doesn't want to learn, or who doesn't want to do what they have to in order to make a positive change. Some people want you to do everything for them. Don't. It's not your journey. You've offered to help but if they won't make the effort, you're wasting your time.

   
   

6. Get Back To Your Normal Routine As Soon As Possible. Your life is just as important as anyone else's. You have your own responsibilities and life issues. Never sacrifice your life for another person. If the other person's needs are overtaking yours, just stop. No one has the right to burden you to that extent. Get them some help and get back to handling your own affairs.